I was very tired today and decided to skip morning services since we will be attending Shabbat services at Rodeph Shalom and I will have a chance to say Kaddish then. Technically, the services are for Maariv (night services) and should count toward tomorrow, not today. But since -typical for reform, and this I do not like- RS's services are 6pm to 7pm; before sundown. So the Kaddish counts toward today, not tomorrow. Anyway ... I skipped. At peace with saying Kaddish tonight? Yes! But... what I did not expect was the feeling of guilt at letting down my Kehila (group/congergation) at Chabad Penn. Without Lucas and me there would have been only eight men yesterday. So today, it could happen that they do not make Mynian. I also felt guilty about having to ask Lucas again if I went. I tossed and turned in bed and by the time I realized the guilt was eating at me it was already 7:30 and too late to get there. What surprised me about this is the selflessness: I was concerned about them not having a Mynian; not about me. That is a giant step for me!!!
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